I thought I had made this post but now I can’t find it so I want to talk for a moment about loneliness.
It’s something I hear a lot when I tell people I’m aromantic, that I never plan on having a life-long partner. That the whole concept is just unappealing to me.
And one of the most common responses is “but won’t you be lonely?” Or, more aggressively “what a lonely life to live.”
And the answer, as much as I know people don’t like to think about it is: yes
Yes I will get lonely from time to time. I get lonely even now. Sometimes it’s just a moment of loneliness, sometimes it’s months of a crushing weight.
So yes /I get lonely/ and I will /always/ experience moments of loneliness. It’s just how things are.
But that’s not what we want to tell people that are making these comments because answering /yes/ means that you are reaffirming to them that /no one/ can be happy being single because they will be /lonely/ and in their minds the only way to overcome /loneliness/ is a committed long term relationship.
It leaves people like me, fellow aromantics like me, in a very tight spot where we aren’t allowed to talk about our loneliness without being invalidated. We are always supposed to give an air of being fully 100% happy on our own or we get invalidated.
But that’s not how life and emotions work!
Loneliness is a thing! Loneliness is something aros face just as much as anyone else and they should have every right to talk about it without fear of people making comments about “if you just found someone then that wouldn’t be an issue” they should be allowed to talk about the joys of being single along with the low points of it! They should be allowed to talk about the /aromantic/ experience of being single without being told that the ‘cure’ is a romantic relationship.
Because for some of us it /very much isn’t/ and, in fact, I was often at my /loneliest/ when I was in a relationship because of how isolating and terrible it felt.
So, I guess, in short: let aromantics talk about their loneliness without invalidation. Just like any relationship isn’t going to be perfect 100% of the time the same applies to people that never plan on entering into a relationship. Let them talk about the highs and lows of being single and understand that, all of that, is a valid experience to have.